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Irresistible Confusion w4m When I first posted a reply to the original post, I wasn't sure if it was intended for me or not. In the process of of all of this I figured I would just put what I felt out there in hopes that the man I am talking about would happen upon this post. I have no idea if any of the replies I have received have been from the actual person I am looking for. I think I have had some serious heart to heart conversations with total strangers. It has occured to me that you may not even know. I have planned on fixing my situation. Not sure when, but it will be soon. If this is to remain permanent I need to know that I am doing this for us. I just want you to know I love you and I willing to whatever it takes to make this happen. Below is my original post. I deleted the original and put it in this one as to put an end to the confusion. If you see this and think it is for you please reply with information about when we met. Tell me something that happened that night and I will know it is you.

I am not sure if this was meant for me. I hope it is. If it isn't I hope the one I am thinking of will happen upon this post so he could know that I do love him. I always think of that first night. We had only just met but it felt like we had known each other forever. Each time since then has been just as amazing but I wish I could go back and relive it. When I imagine it now it brings tears to my eyes. Not sad tears but happy ones. It was something that you think never happens to people. You think it's a fictional experience made up by sappy movies and books. But that night, it was real. I know it was that way for you too. Even now whatever we have is so special that it seems unreal. The only thing that makes this all so bittersweet is we can't talk about it. I am not totally sure why. Maybe it's the circumstances or maybe it's fear. Maybe it's both. Even now that I have the nerve to do this, to post this ad, I can't just send it to you rather than post it on CL. I have never wanted something so much in my life but been so scared to say it. I have never met anyone like you. I have never had such a connection with another person. I know you feel it too. I know by the way you look at me and I can sense it when I am in your arms. Every time I am in your arms, I want so badly to say something. Anything. I don't do it. I fight it. It comes across like I don't care but I care so much that it scares me. I don't know what I think will come of it but I know we do need to be able to say it. This, despite the circumstances, is everything I have ever wanted. I do feel like it was meant to happen. That's the only thing that makes since to me. What it means, I don't know. I do know I feel lucky. Lucky that I have found someone who understands me more than anyone has ever understood me and someone that I understand just as well. So now I don't know what to do. What to say. I don't know if this is you and if it's not it has made me think about my own situation. I don't want this to become something like the others have been. It's too amazing to throw away because we both are too scared to even go to that place where we can say how we feel. At what point do I just give up? Or do I keep loving you so much that at times makes it hard to breathe. I do find it funny that the universe has given us both something so special but at a time where it's so difficult to enjoy it to the fullest. Well played fate, well played. I have reached a point where I want to say fuck you fate, I will figure a way out to make this what it has the potential to be. We just have to willing to get to that point where we can say what we want to say. I know that there is no way that our friendship would be destroyed from this. I have said this before but I honestly mean it. What we have is not that destructible. What will destroy it is silence. The unspoken things will be what destroys this. They will eventually eat away at us. At some point we will be pushed apart because of the walls we have up. I have no idea what will happen if they come down. I do know we will figure it out as we go. So what do we do?
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