Naughty lady seeking sex South Burlington Vermont Re: bimbos/ ivy league w4m Are you no better then he?
Well, you've won this summer time game of yours, but what you don't understand, is that this was never a game to me.
You've made assumptions, judgements and descisons based on nothing but what you perceive in your own head. You know NOTHING about what my life is really like. And despite what you profess on the f**king board, you have never shown me that you want to know. In the Real world, where people talking to each other directly, you have been hot and cold- dying to see me, adoring me one minute, to shutting down and cutting me off the next. Each time you lured me to open up bit, to actually indulge in what I was feeling, you made descison to stop- without a word to me- or just would suddenly disappear. I was left feeling like a fool time and time again. I would get excited, believe that you wanted this- to nothing.
But I kept coming back, because I knew, I knew from the moment you smiled at me. That first day, where you wouldn't let me shy away, where you captivated me with your smile and your eyes. For first time in YEARS my heart opened up, really began to open up. The magnet grabbed a hold of me. I was helpless.
Has this all been a game to you? There is so much you don't understand, so many things about which you've made assumptions. But I guess I never really corrected you either, because that would mean
having my heart broken. I feel like you can see into my soul, but do you really understand how much heartbreak I hold in my heart? Do you really see the years and years of decisions I have had made based on the needs of everyone around me but my own? I have so much pain, so much heartbreak and suffering that no one else has seen. Like you, I am a very good at putting on a show,
keeping the pain to myself. The trouble is, I have had a lot longer to perfect the act then you. Long ago, I had to put my heart- my own dream, wants, and desires in a vault- a vault which I seldom
open now. And now, now that you have opened it.... I am bleeding everywhere.
I said you assumptions about my lifestyle... About him. It is not as you think. There is no daddy's credit card to live off, there is no privilege- but there is lots of struggle, and me picking up the pieces. Yes, there is the Ivy league education ( I had to make that dig before to stomach the idea of the bimbo,) and he did have a certain amount of monetary comfort growing up- probably not that different
from you actually. But that is something of which I have ever really enjoyed myself- either in my own childhood, or in the years with him. Instead, it has been struggle, and many hefty doses of pain
and reality for me. More then I will ever open up about on this board. I won't go into it here- but I promise to tell you everything in person if you choose to see me again. So you see, that is not what
keeps me here. It's the other- my other priorities of which we have talked, that which is the most important to me. And although he can be kind, sweet, and yes loving to me- that is an arena where he can and will be viscous to me if I cross this bridge. I have no doubt he will make every attempt to rip out that piece of my heart. And that...that is a heartbreak I don't know if I can endure. He is not a horrible man- really far from it- but you are right about a few things. As loving as he can be- he can just as controlling and manipulative, and will go forth jugular when threatened. Don't get me
wrong, I give as good as I get- but he knows how to use my biggest weakness housewives wants sex Uncasville-Oxoboxo Valley against me, and has used it. And that my darling, is a pain in hope you never have to endure.
So you see, it is not as it seems. This summer has not been a game or wild fantasy for me. You have opened up something in me of which I had locked away. My dreams? I used to have that happen all the time, but it's been forever since they were so clear, so strong. This passion, this magnetism we share is incredible, painful, and yet still blissful. But you see my dear, it has been years since I
have felt something so strong- since I have wanted to trust someone with my soul. And unfortunately for you- that trust does not come easy. I told you once, despite everything you see, I do not let
anyone in quickly or easily. My soul is hard won, but once gotten, now yours. And your soul? I see into it, I have from the beginning- and I know that terrifies you too. Because you are like me, we are the same, despite all the differences I persistently point out. I have always wanted to know you- not the flash, the craziness, the showman you put out there. But you- all the dark vaults I know you
have locked up as well. I do know you have anger, darkness, I see it. But the light, the love you have is so much more
Do you see now? Do you understand when I told you I need someone strong enough? I have so much pain...complications... But also so much joy and passion. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to really understand that you are real. To believe you felt this as well. You have opened up my heart, and now have ripped it out. But unlike you, it has been more painful than I ever though. U
I don't regret any of this though. I will continue to still feel this- the magnet is not letting go. You felt how amazing it was when we finally let it pull us in- even for those fleeting moments.
You know, you were right in that I am living a lie. But only because that other part of my heart resides here. Surely you understand that part. That part of my heart lies open and bleeding on a daily basis, because I willingly and joyfully open it. Up until you looked up at me that day, that was enough.
There is nothing else I can say on here, without re reveling too much. You have now left my heart vacant. I miss you terribly.
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